And
he who gives a child a treat
Makes joy-bells ring in Heaven's street,
And he who gives a child a home
Builds palaces in Kingdom come.
—John Masefield
Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
—St. Jerome
If
being a good teacher is a grandfather's greatest role, then giving gifts
to his grandchildren has to be his greatest joy. Not that being a fine
example-maker, cultivated family historian and affectionate educator don't
all have their rewards. It's just that few experiences compare to seeing
the light in your grandchild's eyes when she unwraps your latest gift...
plush bunny, talking doll, party dress or stock portfolio.
On the other hand none of this gift-giving comes without a cost. But as you may have guessed, we're not talking about how much money you spend. More often the price you pay has to do with the disapproval of your grandchild's parents. And the expense may not be worth it if the parents are seriously unhappy with your choice of gift. To boot, in the 21st century, in most families, grandparent gift-giving—more and more—is a subject of (too) much seriousness.
SPARE
THE FACADE
AND SPOIL THE CHILD
As a loving grandfather, is it your birthright to lavish your grandchildren with frequent gifts? Should your grandkids' mom and dad give you carte blanche when you decide to pile on the presents? Is it a good idea to make granddad's blank checkbook your grandson's best friend?
Like most of life's urgent questions (past the age of 12 or so), the answers are yes and no.
Wishing you could slide back into the simplicity of a preadolescent world where you always knew the good guys from the bad, and easy answers came for every question won't work. Yearning for simpler times is a recurring theme for modern granddads, but in most cases, realistically, it's too far of a reach. Better to deal with today's reality head-on.
Today's reality dictates that parents have veto power over major Boom-Pa gift-giving. You have the right to give. Parents have the right to give advice regarding heavyweight giving. Together, you and the child's guardians need to come to an understanding about their definition of "major."
The real pleasures in grandparent giving are the little presents, the fun trifles, the silly, kid-like treasures that fill an afternoon with giggles and smiles far beyond the gift's monetary worth. Under the age of six or so, kids get the biggest kick out of the most ordinary items. Let your sense of wonder and childlike imagination free you from the predictable.
Humble novelties can be enduring hits. Your creative little explorer will appreciate simple stuff such as a Band-Aid box...a stack of pots & pans...a magnifying glass... old dress-up clothes...soap bubbles...plastic bowls...a flashlight...silly putty... play dough...finger paint...jigsaw puzzle... rubber ball... chalkboard...sock puppets...books, books, books. Add your own discoveries to a never-ending list.
The art of the small gift is a fine art to learn. You can give, give, give—and always get a lot in return. Keep it simple and you can throw in the occasional surprise (larger) gift as an extra without parental grief and personal guilt.
The temptations of spoiling for grandpaps, rightly or wrongly, springboard well past any discussion of gift-giving. Objects needn't be the focus of spoiling. You can spoil a child in a thousand ways without wrapping a ribbon around a box. Naps, bedtime, sharing with playmates, sugary snacks and a host of other nutritional issues are some of the areas that lead to spoiling conflicts.
Being open and honest with moms and dads, as in the question of extravagant gift-giving, will remove pretense and miscommunication from their spoiling concerns. That should keep you in good graces for the times when spoiling is so important to you that you have no intention of compromising.
Playroom Speedway: No Limit on Fun
M is for____...Matinee...the perfect time slot for your next trip to the cinema to see with your grandkids the newest Disney film they adore.
N is for____...Nana...your loving mate, life-companion, best friend and advisor, your grandchildren's favorite person in the world (besides you).
0 is for____...Ornery...what you become when you and your grandkids don't get the naps you need.
P is for____...Pizza...the guaranteed, no-fail, happy-face lunch or dinner choice 365 days a year for your grandchildren, ages two to thirty-two.
Q is for____...Quiet...the sublime, bonus condition you experience during naptime—your grandkids' and yours. Also, the sound of your home after they leave.
R is for____...Ragged...your physical condition after a weekend of looking (and running) after your twin toddler grandsons.
S is for____...Scared...what you feel the moment Nana catches you devouring tonight's chocolate cake dessert with the help of your four-year-old granddaughter.
T is for____...Time...the thing you need more of for spending with (and spoiling) your grandchildren.
U is for____...Uproar...the parental reaction you can count on after you take your preschool grandson to have his ears pierced. You wouldn't really, would you?
V is for____...Villain...what you look like on a grandpa outlaw poster after you steal your grandkids for a day, take them to the zoo, fill them with cotton candy, soda pop and ice cream, then bring them home way past bedtime.
W is for____...Wiser...that's what you'll be after you receive the stern lecture from your son about the unwise ways you violate the spoiling rules whenever you stop by to visit your grandson.
X is for____...X-Ray...the reason for your doctor's visit after you try rollerblading with your favorite grandchild and fail to leap the gaping pothole.
Y is for____...Yippee!...your first response the first time you conclude rollerblading without injury.
Z is for____...Zest...definitely, one of the most important (and irreplaceable) qualities your grandchildren bring to life.
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CHAPTER
3 "Birth...The Grandest
Event Ever
CHAPTER
7 "The Scene of the Crime—
Your Place or Mine
ON THE BRINK OF STINK:
SPOILING 'EM ROTTEN
In any language (or culture) granddads are expected to spoil. Be discreet, pick your opportunities, skirt the spoiling spotlight, and you won't have to worry about spoiling your reputation. The language of Grandfathering privilege is as easy as A-B-C...
A is for____...Apple...because your grandkids are always the apple of your eye, even when their behavior goes from bad to rotten.
B is for____...Bewitched...a description of your state of mind after you see your baby granddaughter for the first time.
C is for____...Cartoons...because that's what you'll be watching a lot of—past bedtime if the mood suits—with grandchildren of all ages, toddler to teen.
D is for____...Duplicate...and duplicating is what you'll do at your house once you see all of your grandson's favorite toys at his.
E is for____...Eccentric...because, the older you get, that's what you're allowed to be when the goal is spoiling your grandkin. Enjoy!
F is for____...Fun in the sun...which is what you and your grandkids will be having on your next summer vacation in Florida.
G is for____...Garden...a place where you and your grandchildren can spend many a happy hour—planting memories that will last a lifetime.
H is for____...Healthy...the only type of snacks your grandkids get in their home. At your place, they get that type and tastier types.
I is for____...Improper...the word your daughter-in-law uses to describe your approach to grandchild gift-giving.
J is for____...Joy...what you feel every time you see your granddaughter in the elegant lace-trimmed dress you bought.
K is for____...Knee...the part of your anatomy that gives out first after an evening stroll with your grandson (unless it's your spine this time).
L is for____...Lukewarm...the reaction you get from first-time parents when they see the set of encyclopedias you purchased for their week-old child.
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